Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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