do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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