once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
