Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
