ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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