The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
