As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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