All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
