you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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