not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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