he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
