Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
