So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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