Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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