12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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