Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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