I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize