Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
