I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
