bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
