Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
