She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
