So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
