Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
