So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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