final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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