His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
