i would punch a child for taco bell
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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