what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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