I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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