Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
