I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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