Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
