If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
