did you get engaged???
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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