then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
