that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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