i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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