I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
