My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
