I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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