I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
