you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
