If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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