I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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