I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it hurts more in the daytime
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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