ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
