i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
