he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
