I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
