Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
