You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
