Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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