in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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