Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
