Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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