he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
