I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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