I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
