Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
