I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
