If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
