So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
