I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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