someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
